How To Survive A Halloween

• When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead.
• Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
• Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
• Never accept invitations from strangers, especially individuals who inexplicably live in isolated areas and have no contact with society.
• As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
• If you're searching for the cause of a noise and find out that it's not just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.
• If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
• Do not take anything from the dead.
• If you find a town which is deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
• Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.
• Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylavania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
• If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted- looking house to phone for help.
• Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.

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Bruce Skinner

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